March...Finally!!!

I love having a blog. Even though I don’t post very often, I love knowing it’s there. I also like that’s it’s somewhat clandestine. I haven’t told very many people about it, so it feels like a safe place to write. At the same time, it is the complete opposite of private—I have to remind myself of this—because it’s public; that kind of scares me, yet it’s lovely to daydream about my imaginary multitudes of blog followers and the posh editors that will someday happen upon this blog and realize I’m the next big thing. I better find some more profound topics if that’s the case! :)

Anyway, this fabulous 60 degree weather has brightened my spirits and reminded me how very attuned my soul is to the seasons. I am so affected by the weather! I feel my spirit awakening within me…along with my personality (where do you go during the winter months??) as the air shakes the briskness of winter. I think I might move to Jamaica. Although, then I wouldn’t have the pleasure of reminiscing and pondering in the fall. I guess I just enjoy change. Isn’t it refreshing? In honor of spring, (which officially begins on March 20—I know this because Rita’s is giving away free snow cones that day!) I am posting a poem I wrote in 2004. Here’s to the flowers breaking through the hardened winter dirt!

my new found love springs at my call

reaching, grasping for the sky

longing for a chance to start anew

the spring sings its lullaby

with all the buds in bloom

singing just a little louder

blue jays beg the sun to shimmer

as mountains shake their skiing powder

and say goodbye to frigid winter

I sit here wrapped in sweet content

fresh air poison to my gloom

waiting for the summer’s kiss

I make this window sill my home

Watching-waiting for my love to appear

I know he wants to see me too

to feel my breath so near

but for now the gently urging dew

will calm my heart my aching soul

and keep me whispering boldly

grow, tulips, grow, and make me whole

Thanks for indulging me…that was really for you, Amber. I actually think of you every time I write—maybe I should just email you! :)

Seasons

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven” -Ecclesiastes 3:1

As I experience a New England autumn for the first time, I’m struck by the tenderness of our Father. What a wonderfully creative God; the intricacies of his ways never cease to amaze me. Autumn has long been my favorite season, but this year I appreciate it with a refreshing new outlook. I am not only basking in the beauty of this part of the country, but also reflecting on my life as I am in a new season myself. If I could describe it as a season it most certainly would be autumn. I join the delicate leaves in showing their true colors when not covered in Green. I’ve been covered in “Green” my entire life. It was a safe place…surrounded by family and friends and community back in Colorado Springs—everything that has made me who I am today.

This summer during my RMR backpacking trip God spoke through one of the leader’s to reveal my unique and contradictory spirit of gentle strength…just like the delicate flowers that were peeking out of the snow covered mountains of Wyoming. Coming to Connecticut has been like coming out from beneath the snow that has covered and protected me for so long. I emerge as a delicate, beautiful flower full of strength. I bask in the beauty of the Son as I relish the oasis he’s brought me too.

As I am brought to this stage of reminiscing and being still, I am brought to a place of sadness as well. I feel my frailty as I am overwheled by my selfishness. Without all the distractions that come with living in the same city I grew up in…the same city that is home to my best friends and most of my family…I am left to ponder my life. It is a raw feeling to be stripped down to my most basic form. It is painful at times to see the imperfections. Distractions are nice in that way; they keep us blissfully unaware of areas needing change. I am more aware every day of my need to be refined further. Maybe I am heading into a season of winter in my life, but I rest assured that the cold winter brings hope of new growth and the beauty and life of spring!